Rat Crab Monster Horror!

Yesterday I came home from work and there was a terrible, horrifying, grotesque, crab rat monster on our bathroom counter.. I was absolutely certain it was a hostile creature from outer space, or from the deepest, unknown depths of the cold, dark sea.

I was able to get a photo of it, which I WhatsApp’ed to the wife,

Send the kids away before scrolling any further, and you may not want to look further yourself, if you are prone to nightmares and terrors that cannot be un-seen.

Final warning…

My wife laughed, but I was sure it was from sheer nervous terror and panic that prompted that bizzare reaction.

Safely outside a closed bathroom door, I examined the photo. It appeared to be legs up, like a giant dead spider, but with more than a spiders eight legs.

Cautiously opening the bathroom door, I nervously peered inside, expecting a furious attack from the clawed, fang-ed creature.

It hadn’t moved. Perhaps it was dead! With no small amount of fear, I quietly crept forward.

It wasn’t a monster! It appeared to be some type of plastic torture device! Designed to pierce the delicate flesh and rip meat off of it’s unfortunate victims in huge chunks.

What heinous activities does the wife engage in whilst I am away!!!??!

In other news, yesterday on the beach, I found a most excellent kite surfing board.

In my head, I was wording my advert, to return it to the owner, demanding a reward, when two surfer dudes showed up, asking if I had found a kite board. I pointed over my shoulder and they retrieved it, thankful.

I asked how they lost it, and one surfer dude replied, “Being stupid, windsurfing at night.”

Oh well, so much for my reward, I was going to demand two cigars in my imagined advertisement, but it was ot meant to be.

It rained this morning, I’m typing this under my umbrellta, but it’s stopped raining and looks perfectly clear, I can’t decide if it’s a scooter day or a van day.

Have a great weekend!

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