It is not my intention to be a cry baby. But I go to bed every night about 9:30 or 10:30, then I wake up at about midnight or one and I’m aware the rest of the night. I’m aware, but not really awake. During the time between wake up and the alarm clock going off, I’m trapped in a sea of negativity. I’m aware of it and I’m trying to pull myself out of it but I cannot.

I wake up in the morning exhausted and feeling like crap. The best thing I can do is tell myself it is all in my head and enjoy the here and now, the dog walk and exercise and the tropical paradise in which I live.

I have pretty good days, work, beach, swimming. I feel good mentally most of the day. But those are some long hours from the middle of the night until morning.

I don’t want this blog to be a bitch session or cry baby central, but I do want to remember what’s going on in my head for future reference sometimes.

Maybe somebody can relate to what I’m saying and know they’re not alone. Because those long nights are lonely and painful.

But like I said, after I wake up and get going things are OK.

Today is my Friday, tomorrow is a use it or lose it mate or lose it vacation day. I am looking forward to a long weekend again. It’s going to be hard going back to a 5 day workweek next year!

Have a great day!

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