Do you have a lot of friends? I do. I have friends I work with, I have friends I scuba dive with, I have friends I go to dinner with on Friday nights. I have friends “in the program”.
Friends as an adult seems different than friends I had when I was a child in school. With school friends, we would hang out after dinner and before dinner. We would talk on the phone 100 times a day. We were constantly in each other’s lives.
Somewhere along the line things changed,we’re friends, but there’s a distance, a subtle boundary, almost undetectable.
Years ago, my wife and I had an argument and she called her friends and I was painfully aware that I had nobody to call. Now, with this divorce going on, it never feels “right” to talk to my “friends” about it. If I do, I don’t feel good about it afterwards. Like some topics don’t fit in the “category” of our friendship. I feel like my only option is to talk to a stranger like a counselor, someone who is paid to do a job. And that doesn’t always do the trick either, I don’t get the connection, I don’t get whatever’s missing because the counselor or stranger doesn’t know the back story story, doesn’t know me, doesn’t know the people involved.
There’s lots of quotation marks in this post…
I guess I’m asking if you feel the same way? Do our friends and friendships get different as we get older? What changes? I’m thinking it has something to do with the creation of a new family, which I feel like I have lost recently.
Had a pretty nice weekend. Saturday went birdwatching with the wife. There is some kind of bird inventory going on. Also Saturday I made some slow cooker Barbecue that came out really good, I thought. Sunday, I went diving and posted the two videos above on TikTok. I like the music. TikTok is a pretty entertaining app. Find me if you have it, I’m MCD6D.
Tomorrow the wife starts moving out. I guess she will proceed with a divorce pretty quickly. I still don’t have a reason for her leaving except she “feels different”. I am not having an easy time coping.
Hard to believe it’s October already. When I was a kid, it seemed like the first half of the year went faster than the second, now it all goes fast. I remember when I turned 40, I thought “This is about half way through my life.” Let me tell you, the second half is going a lot faster than the first. Turning 40 seem like about 5 minutes ago.
I guess most of the people who read this know I don’t drink, a big part of my not drinking is daily prayer. I pray for help staying sober, and freedom from anger, depression and self-pity, among other things. I really don’t hear much back from God, I haven’t drank for almost 25 years, so that’s good, but this morning I got angry about 2 seconds after my prayer. As soon as I get up, the cat starts meowing. She’s staying in this giant kennel at night and when we’re gone, till she gets used to the place. We don’t want her running away. So, as agreed, I put the cat in the bedroom, with my wife, and close the door, as discussed. Well, my wife gets up, and closes the door better because the cat got out. She said “the cat got out”. No harm no malice, but it took it to mean “You didn’t do a good enough job putting the cat in the bedroom.” So I prayed again: “Ya know God, a little feedback would be nice. I got angry two seconds after I prayed for freedom of anger. A normal person would quit praying. I pray every day and don’t hear anything back. Maybe you have some divine way of operating or sending me a message, but if you send messages I can’t understand, what good is it? I gave up swimming after work because I need to come home and take care of the animals,I gave up studying in the mornings because I need to take care of animals. Do I need to give up my morning exercises too, to take care of animals more? WTF?”
My poor old Ditto is gone, maybe I can start swimming after work again.
When we were at (and on) the Athabasca Glacier, there were photos that showed the glacier receding over the years. My brother in law in Drake Bay, Costa Rica, last night was telling my wife about his colleague/associate/acquaintance has been measuring the decline in the numbers of frogs and snakes in the rainforests. When I got certified to scuba dive in 1981, we’d see sharks on practically every other dive, often groups of sharks. Now, seeing a shark is rare, one in ten or more dives.
Glacial decline has been measured since the 1850’s, (according to an article on Wikipedia), so I’m not sure it’s all humans fault, but I think humans main power is destructive and we need to change. I remember a book I read years ago, “Mutant Message Down Under”, and ask, Which society is more advanced? One that lives in a place 10,000 years, and you can’t even tell they were ever there? Or a society that practically destroys it’s environment with pollution and war in 250 years?
I think the answer is obvious.
Today is my first day back at work since my vacation. blah. Why do I have to go work to get money to buy a fish for dinner when I could just go out and get the fish myself. Because I also have to pay for my house and the bills. The whole system of money has something inherently wrong with it.
Same story every year:
1: I don’t know what gifts to get people for the holidays.
2: I don’t have the money to buy anything anyway.
3: I don’t want anything for Christmas
4: I don’t want to buy anybody anything for Christmas
5: I don’t want to participate at all.
I hate to sound like a scrooge, but a spaceman observing our behavior from space would think we are idiots. We have “Thee Holiday of Thanksgiving”, then we spend the next month greedily grabbing up all this unnecessary crap. Nobody wants to do it, everybody does it because everybody else is.
And don’t try to hand me any of that Jesus crap, if you’re celebrating the birth of a great man, this period of insane behavior is NOT the way to do it.
And you know what? I don’t give a rats ass if I DO sound like scrooge!
It’s a weird morning. It’s supposed to start raining this afternoon/evening, but sitting on the porch this morning I could hear rain, pretty far away, but approaching. When I looked, it looked like a beautiful Caribbean day to the south, and end of the world to the north.
This picture doesn't do justice to how bad it looked 5 minutes earlier.
(I love our utility pole, transformer and power lines right across our field of view here)
So I rekkon I’ll be taking the car instead of the bike today, although I was thinking yesterday that I could get home after work before the rain started.
I could post a lot more pictures, but I won’t. These are un-edited from my camera.
I didn’t bring my camera charger. When the battery dies, I’ll be stuck with only my phone camera…
The weather is great! I saw that it is raining hard in Cayman.
Bad news this morning, my friend, Percy, died yesterday. He was 97 years old. He used to walk around our cul-de-sac for exercise and I used to talk to him. He was from Cuba and referred to Fidel Castro’s government as “this new government” Every time he saw me he’d say “Hi Mark! How are you?!?” He is being buried in Cuba this weekend. I was hoping he’d make it to 100 years old, at least.
When I woke up this morning, the dawgs were desperate to go outside. So I took them before my shower instead of after. I saw Perceys grandson and he told me. Everything happens for a reason…