Flying Low

Im doing my US taxes and it looks like I’ll owe in the neighborhood of a hundred grand. Trouble at work, trouble everywhere. And when I have trouble with everyone around me, it’s usually isn’t all if them, it’s me…

Im in a low place, I have a lotta lotta lotta things to be grateful for, but I’m still going through a rough patch.

Continuous Improvement vs Holding Steady

Some things, if you put a fixed amount of time into them, you will continue to improve. For example, if you practice your musical instrument for an hour every day you will continue to improve. It seems like this isn’t so with physical activity, it seems that one must continually increase the amount of time that they spend doing that activity to see improvement in physical ability and technique of the activity.

I do my morning exercises daily, I do the same routine. I spend the same amount of time, to fit with my time schedule in the mornings.. if I wanted to improve I would have to increase the amount of time or exercise that I did. If I play pickleball once a week, I will reach a level of competence in pickleball and not exceed that level of skill.

This isn’t feasible, for me to spend ever increasing amounts of time in every activity that I pursue. Time runs out.

What is the answer to this dilemma? Or am I completely wrong?

Happy Friday !

Safe Places

This morning I was thinking about my grandparents. It started with gratitude for their existence. I started thinking about how I used to like it when we visited them. It occurred to me just this morning that, besides loving my grandparents, their farm was a safe place, my father would (probably) behave himself and I didn’t have to be on guard against “attack” while at my grandparents.

When I was in my one year marriage in the year 2000, one particular friends apartment was a safe place. My ex wife and I would go there for dinner and a movie and I knew that for those four hours of hanging out, my ex would probably not go bat shit crazy. In hindsight, I was more or less constantly under attack from her except for those hours. I was vey aware of this peaceful sanctuary, even then.

It occurrs to me that since then, there have been very few similar places. Even this house, my house, with me in it by myself isn’t, and I’ll have to figure out why.

There’s also “Safe People”, trustable. My 15 year ex wife started out “safe” (I’ll have to define what Safe means in my head too.) but changed to unsafe so subtly I didn’t notice the change. I’m aware that I’m probably not a “safe person” to other people either, by my own definition, whatever that is. I’m moody and sometimes crabby and perceive threat when there is none.

It’s odd that I’m just thinking about this now. I know someone has discussed the concept with me before, but I didn’t hear or understand or couldn’t apply it till now.

Bizarre.

Phone In Bed

I have to stop with the three “It’s” in bed Twitter, Tumblr and TikTok. It keeps me awake too late. Sometimes almost 10:30 or 11. I don’t have any other social media, (except unused LinkedIn.)

I need sleep. More sleep, better sleep all sleep. I like to read, but the phone gets in the way of reading, book in hand, phone on book. By the time I put the phone down, there’s not time to read.

i gotta try to get control .

It’s very cold and winds from the north again this morning. I went to my swim spot yesterday and it was very rough. I think I’ve swam twice in the past 2 months.

Not a very positive post today…

Havva goodun anyway !

Rare South Atlantic Tropical Storm

Low pressure off the coast of Brazil morphed into a tropical storm Sunday.
The South Atlantic Ocean typically doesn’t see many such storms.

Tropical Storm Akará. Read the article HERE.

The weather seems weird everywhere, here too. Normally January through March or April is clear weather with no significant features. Sunny and clear every day. Now we’re getting front after front, rain and wind and waves.

I didn’t realize that tropical storms were a rarity in the South Atlantic. I just knew southern hemisphere seasons are opposite than the northern hemisphere’s.

Happy Tuesday! Have a great day!

Itsanuther Monday.

Rainy morning today, we needed it. A cold front moved through very suddenly and quickly yesterday evening.

Heres some random pictures from the phone. My breakfast yesterday, fruit toast and raspberry banana smoothie (and coffee). Lenny, acting like he’s not watching me, and a picture of my Kindle, we live in the sky.

.Soon I’ll be headed off to work on a good day for working. Have a good week

On Being Invisible

I dreamed last night I was driving around and came to a very remote “park” at a long dead end. I expected it to be deserted, but there were people there. It was dark, but people were laying on the beach like it was sunny. Nobody seemed to notice me.

i walked around more, down gravel paths through scraggly trees. I found a circular “hole” cut in the ground with steps all around going down. Like a little mini arena where someone could give speeches to small crowds of people. The thought crossed my mind that I had walked into a cult, where the leader eventually says “drink the Kool Aid” and everybody drinks and everybody dies.

But I was immune. Nobody could see me. I wasn’t invisible, just unnoticeable, like so often in real life. I go somewhere, I don’t see anyone I recognize, I don’t talk to anyone, nobody talks to me. I take care of whatever I came to take care of and leave. Not invisible, but unseen.

The dream was kind of like growing up, I didn’t want to be noticed by my parents, if I did something they thought was bad, I’d be punished, if I did something they thought was good (rarely) they’d say “see, our strict discipline and punishments are very effective, aren’t you glad we forced you to do that good thing?” That’s not necessarily accurate, but how I.perceived things. I wanted to be invisible to my parents.

It was a weird dream, but at the same time, normal. I was the same me as I always am. I was sitting in a chair in the woods, last thing I remember in the dream, and it had gotten light. It was a lugubrious patch of woods, sticker-bush thorny trees and grey, cloudy light.

I’m glad I woke up here instead of there, because today is FRIDAY!

Have a great weekend!