Last night I had a dream I was in a waiting room, someplace like the place where you get your drivers license, or a doctors office. There was several people standing in line with me, a little kid and his mom, a pretty girl who smiled at me when she caught me looking at her. The little kid and I were making faces at each other. I remember I felt good and I was happy. I was standing in line in a tank top, shorts and flip flops, I think I just came from the beach. The girl was sitting in a chair, she had brown hair past her shoulders, and she was wearing a blue skirt and a green shirt. Suntanned legs. There were several people in line, a nice clean, modern well-lit waiting room.
I remember the song on the radio, it sounded like Steven Tyler:
Won’t you love me one more time?
Over and over.
Finally it was my turn, and I went in this office. This guy gave me a form to fill out. When I got done, he opened a drawer and I was surprised when I threw my pen in the drawer. I thought “I won’t be needing that any more”. In the drawer, neatly folded, was a filthy denim shirt. It had some serious ring around the collar. It was filthy-filthy. I didn’t want to put on such a dirty shirt because I was nice and clean but I figured it really didn’t matter. I asked “What’s that shirt for? Handling the dead body?” He said yes and gave it to me to put on. Then he started to lead me into another room and I realized in my dream that I already knew I was there to be put to death.
Then I woke up, angry that I would have such a dream, and sad too. It was weird that I would report for death and just accept it, without fighting or struggling or running, like it was normal. I don’t think anyone else in the line was there to be put to death.
reading this makes me want to cry.