I think I’ve posted about this before. I’m lazy.
Yesterday, something at work came up and I had to skip lunch. Luckily, I was able to take off early.
When I got off, I was excited, it was over 4 hours till sundown. I could have done a lot. Diving, beach, kayaking- a whole lot can be done in 4 hours.
But when I got home, I didn’t leave again. It happens not infrequently. I plan on coming home, just for a sec, and then heading right back out, but when I get home, I find that I don’t leave again. I know it will happen as I am driving home but it happens anyway.
Sunday, after the botanic park, I came home “just for a minute” and ended up staying home all day. Sleeping on a Sunday afternoon! I’m wasting my life.
The answer, I know, is to not go home after work, but I tell myself I have to walk the dog. Even though I know I’m early and he can wait till the normal time at least. I tell myself I don’t want to leave my laptop in the car while I’m at the beach, but I’ve done it many times with no problems. It has a good padded bag and doesn’t even get hot in the car. And I can’t allow myself to worry about someone breaking into my car and stealing it, that’s crap. Life isn’t about sitting around, guarding ones possessions. There’s always scuba tanks and wetsuits in my car anyway, I never seem to worry too much about THAT getting ripped off!
I go home, for just a second, end up staying, then hate the way I feel.
And I know it’s going to happen before it happens and it happens anyway.
I want a college degree, but I don’t want to enroll in college. I want to sail a sailboat solo around the world, but don’t want to take sailing lessons. I want to be an expert at something, without ever being a beginner. It’s laziness, lack of self discipline. It disgusts me.