The Mystery Elephant Speech

My good friends, Caymanians, distinguished guests, Madame Speaker and members of the Legislative Assembly, immigration and police officials, visiting dignitaries, ladies and gentlemen of the press, my millions upon millions of daily readers, and of course, my Most Valued, Blog Commentators.

The Cayman Islands is not commonly known for its elephant population. I, however, am quite concerned with the sudden appearance of the above-pictured elephant in the vacant lot behind the Cost-U-Less store.

I was driving home from work about three weeks ago, and noticed aforementioned elephant in aforementioned picture in aforementioned vacant lot. My first thought as I legally drove by, not exceeding the speed limit, in my properly licensed and insured vehicle, was that it was a pig, a swine, if you will. I thought to myself, “Where did this pig come from? It wasn’t there yesterday.”

The next day, I drove by again and realised that it was intended to appear as an elephant, not a pig. The third day, I felt compelled to stop and take the above photo.

I raised the alarm on social media, and was shocked at the lack of response. Only one person said they noticed it, and nobody really seemed very concerned.

Where did this elephant come from? What is his or her mission? What is its immigration status? Does it have a valid work permit?

As I drove home, warily, and I admit somewhat fearfully, on subsequent days, glancing at the intruding elephant, I began to notice a strange phenomenon. Every day, the elephant seemed to be moving closer to the road! What is the method of locomotion? Do people come every night, and inch it closer to the road? Does it have its own propulsion system? Why is it moving towards the road in such a stealthily manner? What are its intentions? Could it be advancing for a planned attack on the roadway? Does it eat cars or people? Am I the only one concerned about the safety and well-being of our beloved Cayman Islands and Her people from all over the world?

Again I must inquire about the origins of the ghastly beast and its abrupt appearance from seemingly nowhere. Its skin looks not unlike black, plastic trash bag. If the elephant is man-made, where would one possibly find a trash bag so huge? This alone seems to indicate that the origins of this mysterious elephant cannot be of this planet. Was it beamed down to the surface of this planet in a Star Trek type manner? Is there a hostile spacecraft orbiting above us this very minute, with its lethal weapons trained upon us for an imminent attack? Or is there an alien spacecraft hidden in the bush nearby?

All these questions demand a thorough investigation! The Cayman Islands, nay, the entire Earth, could be in the throes of a planetary invasion!

So I implore you, dear readers, do not take this matter lightly. Spring into action, prepare to defend yourselves if necessary. Do not let us be dominated by alien, spaceship-flying, car-and-people-eating, sneaky, trash bag skinned, hostile, invading elephants that try to look like pigs!

Fast Runner

image

I realized today what a fast runner I am. i spilled coffee grounds this morning, and apparently, it takes me the same amount of time to clean up spilled coffee grounds as it takes me to run my 1.8 mile course, because by the time I got it cleaned up, It was the same time on the clock as when I get into the shower.

i didn’t run today, spilled coffee, didn’t have time.

If Ditto was still alive, it`d be his birthday. Also, on this day in 1979, I left Silver Spring, MD for boot camp.

Yesterday at work, I ha annual safety training, all day. Got it again this afternoon, and tomorrow morning.

There’s your daily randomness. Havva goodun! 

Weather forecast

image

Todays Forecast: 30% chance of big clouds and little clouds with lightning and a whole bunch of rain drops this morning. Around noon, big clouds only with a 50% chance of one rain drop falling. 40% chance we’ll get another drop in the afternoon. Tonight mostly clear with a zero percent chance that one star is nearer to the Earth than the moon is.

That’s yer weather forecast for this FRIDAY!! Yeay!

Have a great weekend!

Work Today, Work Tomorrow

Father in law arrived last night. Good to see him. I didn’t know that the Wife was taking off today. I’m the only one working today.  (Yesterday, the deserted office made me think I was the only one working yesterday too).

At the same time my father in laws flight arrived, a charter flight from the Dominican Republic arrived. If I wasn’t happily married, I might want to visit there.

image

Lots of big booty getting off that plane!
image

So now I’m getting ready for work. Today and then half day tomorrow. I can make it!

Have a good day!

Weather Irregular

I took the car yesterday, and then it got sunny and stayed sunny all day. Last night was clear and we looked for shooting stars. We got this meteor shower going on ya know.
This morning, got up at 5, looked outside, crystal clear. I figured I’d have a shower, some coffee, post my post and look for meteors some more while it got light.
Whilst I was in the shower, it started to rain. Pour. It was cloudless a minute ago. Whottheeheck.
How an I supposed to determine the most appropriate mode under these conditions?
The crap I gotta put up with, I tell ya.

You know what else bugs me? What is it? IT rained, IT got light. This irks me every time I hear it. Another thing that bothers me is the nameless “they” that so many people refer to. “Surely they’ll evacuate us, they won’t let us stay here!”

I’m off on a rant. Cabin fever from a little rain! Surely IT will stop! THEY won’t let me go crazy!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
image

Back To The Future Day

image

Today is Back To The Future Day,The day Marty McFly arrives from 1985. HERE is an article.

On Oct 21 1985, I was just out of the Navy. 1955 I wasn’t even born yet.

Back in those days there was a saying: “Cameras don’t lie!” You oldies remember this.

So:

Keep an eye out today for Marty McFly!

Two Pics Tuesday

image

image

Two pictures taken yesterday. Pirate ship that I hadn’t seen in a long time. And a sunset pic in panorama mode. Both taken with my phone camera.

The wife is going to Florida for work today. She’ll be back day after tomorrow. As usual, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, come find me and bring a sandwich!

Happens All The Time….

image

They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. She’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then, I made the most difficult call of all to my wife: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice. “Are you kidding me?” she barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
She retorted, “I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!”