I slept comparatively well last night, thanks to Lois’s Prayers no doubt.Thank you.
It was a good day yesterday. Went diving and met the contractor (who actually showed up on time). He trimmed the edges of the tile and filled in a few spots missed by grout. I gotta say, the job looks good!
Now I’m ready to have a party!
Below are a few pictures from yesterday’s dive. Ya got your standard Queen Angel, your daily Flamingos Tongues, not to mention Cool Courtney and Bermuda Brian..
And now it’s ā nuther Monday, which I’m actually looking forward to.
Back in April, the doctor changed my blood pressure medication. It was working great for several months. My BP was spot-on for so long that I quit checking it regularly.
It recently got checked at the eye doctors, and was high way high. I started checking more often and it was always high. Somehow, suddenly, my blood pressure went back up, higher than before.
So I went to the doctors yesterday and the medication has been increased, and I have instructions to log my pressure twice a day.
I’m ready for some flat, smooth straight driving road for a while. I’m tired of this constant one bad thing after another. Divorce, glaucoma, cateracts, finiances, blood pressure. Can I just have a little easy time?
When I tell someone my divorce is final they usually say “congratulations”. That’s not how I see it. I guess, for me people should say condolences. For her, congratulations are in order. I guess.
I’m kind of torn on how much personal stuff I should put here on this blog. On one hand, I don’t want it to be this emotional cry baby place, On the other hand I want to be able to come back in a year and know what was going on inside my head, something I can’t always do.
It’s another “use it or lose it” Friday, no plans, really.
When I see an unexpected reflection of myself, I tend to be surprised at how mean I look, or angry, or unhappy. I never seem to look how I feel. I have a natural frowny face.
People with naturally smiley faces must live completely different lives. New people would tend to be less cautious and wary, instead of wondering “What’s going on with this guy?”
I think someone would be more likely to initiate communication with a happy or nice looking person than a mean, angry looking person.
I’ve noticed it many times, I walk down the street and see a reflection of myself in the store window and almost jump out of my skin. Glance up at the thumbnail of me on the virtual meeting, cringe, and try to erase the scowl. I feel fine, and I’m in a good mood, but it’s shocking to unexpectedly see how mean I look.
I took my car in for an oil change yesterday. For about a week, the weather report has been saying increased rain. So instead of riding my scooter while my car was in the shop I rented a car. It hasn’t rained a drop, if I was on my scooter, it would be pouring, don’t you think?
I have been told that negative thinking precipitates the negative things that happened to me. Yesterday a co-worker and I both had the weather apps open on our phones. His had a huge sunny icon and mine had a cloud with a thunderbolt coming out of it. Same time same place. Different apps. I don’t even think any of my weather apps have a big, cheery sun 🌞 icon.
I have often joked that I control the weather, whisper, I can put the plants out in the rain and by the time I get the last plant out, it will stop raining.
I have been working on improving my static thinking, but it isn’t easy to change your pattern.
I’m behind on a ton of little stuff. I want to apply for my British passport, I have tons of little projects around the house that I have been neglecting. Call the plumber. Get my watch fixed. My scooter registration is expired. Do I buy a new carb for my generator or take it to the shop or both, or just do nothing and “think about it”?
A few days ago I was supposed to return somebody’s phone call and I didn’t. They said something and that is what tripped this guilt trip/rant. If somebody is supposed to call me and they don’t I am hurt much worse than the average human being. So for me to do it is preposterous. At work, I pride myself on completing every task by the deadline, but sometimes I procrastinate and wait to the last minute, Sometimes I think I did a really good job on something and it gets rejected or has faults pointed out.
I go through periods where I feel like I have a thousand tiny tasks to do, and cannot get any of them done. Nothing is ever good enough and I keep trying to achieve perfection, which is impossible and I am dissatisfied with the finished project.
Sometimes I’m just trying to make it through the day.
I went to the optometrist yesterday because I needed new glasses. My old glasses were horrible and I complained about them constantly and took them back several times. I went back to my original optometrist who agreed they were screwed up. Below are the glasses I should get in a couple weeks. Sorry I didn’t smile for the picture, I just wanted to see what they looked like. At the time, I didn’t think I would be posting the picture.
Also yesterday I was told that I have cataracts starting up in my right eye and probably glaucoma in my left. I have to go see a specialist and probably undergo surgery. Eye surgery is my greatest nightmare. But on another level I don’t even care.
My wife wants to meet with me Wednesday, I assume she wants to discuss divorce. I am full of fear and nervous and sad. But for about 5 minutes I imagined she might say she wants to come back home and I was really happy for about those 5 minutes. Then I woke up and shook myself out of it.
Last night was a rough night. Woke up about 2:10. Then I was in and out all the rest of the night. Twice, I dreamed I forgot how to breathe and woke up gasping. At one point, I was laying there, seriously wondering if I was asleep or awake. And not sure of the answer. Sometimes I think I’m awake all night, but my sleep function on my watch says I was asleep.
I turned in an essay for a course I’m taking. I was going for the Ace, 100%. I worked hard, I thought it was good. I got it back, she didn’t even finish grading it and she wants to see me after class.
I got super angry with a driver on the road yesterday. Yelled and cussed and laid on the horn. Scared my passenger I think.
I have become the exact person I didn’t want to be as a child.
I sometimes feel like I’m on a different planet than everyone else.