Happens All The Time….


They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. She’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then, I made the most difficult call of all to my wife: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard her voice. “Are you kidding me?” she barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”
She retorted, “I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your damn car!”

The Future of Human Sexuality: A Prediction

I read that the US made same sex marriage legal.
I also heard that some clothing manufacturers are switching from “boys” clothes and “girls” clothes to “Youth” clothes.

This made me start thinking, and my conclusion is that in the future, parents will think they are “cool” if you can’t tell if their kid is a boy or a girl. Plus, parents don’t want to influence the kids decision what gender he/she may choose.


Remember “Pat” from Saturday Night Live?

Then, not too far in the future after that, you’ll start dating someone and won’t know if it’s  a boy or girl till you get them home and get their pants off.

Then, in the future after that, if you find out potential lover has the “equipment you didn’t prefer”, and you reject them because of that, then you can go to jail for discrimination.


Of course, I’m just being silly…. Or am ?

Happy Hump Day!

Almost over the hump. Hoping for good weather this weekend.
I went to the beach yesterday at lunch, but did not swim. Today I will probably swim. There were a lot of people  at the cloudy beach, Tryin’ ta act happy in the cloudy cold weather. They were doing a good job too, you know, acting happy. So I’ll probably join them today. I’m trying to be funny here, you know, overly dramatic? But I am definitely tired of the clouds.


And I definitely will join the sad sad tourists at the beach today.

Havva Guudun!

What was I thinking?


I calculated that I needed 6 bags of dirt. (potting soil), three for these two  giant pots, and one for something and one for something and another for something else.
I filled the two giant pots and now have three bags of dirt I can’t remember what for.

When I went to the store and asked for six bags or dirt, I got a blank stare. It was funny. Then I said “potting soil” and the lady said “Ohhhhh” and we both started laughing.

Oh Monday, go easy on me this week! Have a good week!

OMG! Such a long, Brutal Week!

I’m glad it’s Friday, it’s been a long, hard week.
I developed a bad habit on vacation. My alarm clock is programmed on my phone, Monday through Friday. When it went off while I was on vacation, I’d just turn it off and go back to sleep. This morning I just turned it off and went back to sleep. Thanks to my dawg Ditto for waking me up.


Disaster averted.

Friday. Thank God. Have a good weekend!


My Huge Problems

Woke up this morning in a bad mood.
Been avoiding posting for a half hour.
Long range weather report says rain my whole vacation.
Sheba peed on the back porch and it stinks, even though I hosed it off.
The Wife didn’t put the coffee filters away.
There’s a fly buzzing around, driving me crazy.
I can’t think of anything else wrong.

Harder To Wake Up


It occurred to me this morning that it is getting harder and harder to wake up. Yesterday I skipped my exercises and slept an extra 45 minutes. Last night, went to sleep around 9:30, slept good, but still had to wrench myself out of bed with a crowbar. No problems once I’m up, it’s just the act of getting up that seems harder.
Why? Tell me why!


Have a gooood day!

The Ballerina


……there was a very drunk regular sitting on his usual stool in a very crowded bar. He was very drunk, leaning on the bar with his head down.

The place was packed, and this woman came up behind him to try to get a drink, waving at the bartender and calling.  She had very hairy armpits. She accidently  bumped into the drunk and he turned around on his stool, and caught an eyeful of her hairy armpit, turned back around and called to the bartender, “HEY BARTENDER! BRING THE BALLERINA A DRINK!”


The bartender came down, took the woman’s drink order, gave her her drink and she took off, into the crowd.

A little while later, the same woman comes up to the same spot at the bar to get another drink. Waving to get the bartenders attention, she accidently bumps the drunk again, he turns around and gets another shot in the eye of her hairy armpit, turns to the bartender and calls “HEY BARTENDER! BRING THE BALLERINA ANOTHER DRINK!” The bartender gives her her drink and off she goes into the crowd.

The bartender says to the drunk, “You come in here all the time, I’ve never seen that woman before, and I’m pretty sure you’ve never seen her before either.  What makes you think she’s a ballerina?

The drunk replied, “Anybody who can lift their leg that high HAS to be a ballerina!”

Ha ha. Get it? Have a good day.